I couldn't stand being beholden to vices like my parents and here I was living out patterns that I'd seen throughout my childhood.

My first act of rebellion was to start smoking - which is weird considering how much I loathed it growing up. Both my parents smoked and the smell would be in my hair, in my clothes and an ever present lingering toxic cloud in our house.

But there I found myself at 17 living away from home and celebrating my newfound 'look at me adulting over here!' freedom by smoking. I even practised while checking myself out in the mirror to see how cool I looked. I had a perm. It was impossible to look cool with a frizzy perm, let alone wielding a stinky ciggie. 

It took me a few years but when I was 23 I simply gave up cigarettes cold turkey because I hated being controlled by my habit, my vanity kicked in with concern about wrinkles and (possibly most importantly) a few weeks earlier I lost my Mum to cancer.

But then I went on to create new vices, all designed to keep me separated from any stories or emotions that tried to make their way to the surface.

Between the ages 17 - 40 I was an expert at finding innovative ways to numb out. From being a coke loving party girl in London for nearly ten years (recover, rinse + repeat), drinking way more than was healthy (Dear liver, I'm sorry), being a financially irresponsible shopaholic, finding myself in an abusive relationship and eventually eating my way into a safe padding of excess tissue on my body that served splendidly as a barrier between me and the world.

Then I'd mentally flog myself. "WHY AM I SO SHIT AT LIFE?" I'd wonder in my darkest moments.

I'd sink into shame that I couldn't get myself sorted while everyone else seemed to be doing life right. So I ate more, I drank more, I beat myself up more. I became a workaholic, constantly teetering on the edge of burnout. 

Back then I never felt like I was good enough. I had zero self love and no matter what I tried stuffing into that huge void inside me, nothing even touched the sides. 

ANYONE RESONATING WITH THIS SO FAR?

(hands shoot up all over the internet).

I certainly wasn't alone as most people simply don't feel like they measure up in some way. They don't feel like they're good enough, smart enough, rich enough, popular enough, thin enough, loved enough - most people simply don't feel ENOUGH.

Lack of enoughness can manifest as a faint sense of unease as you wonder "is this it, is this my actual fricking life?" or as full blown dis-ease in the body.

Sometimes you can free yourself by simply flicking the "I'm so fricking over this" switch as you make up your mind and simply follow through - with no need for motivation or willpower.

I did that with smoking and drugs years ago. Then in November 2016 I decided I just didn't want to drink anymore. 

I was so sick of having the "Should I just stick to one glass of wine? No that's not enough. Two, definitely two glasses. Fuck it, if I'm having two then I may as well have three" conversation with myself.  

So I decided to flick the 'I'm so over drinking' switch and one day I quaffed wine and the next I was a non drinker. And I have been ever since. 

But then there are some situations where no matter what you do or how strict you decide to be, you find yourself stuck back in the same old shitty situation lamenting your lack of willpower and self control.

For me my major weak spot had always been food and there wasn't a moderation switch, let alone a STOP switch. I used to be obsessed with food. I'd eat when I was happy, sad, bored and even when my belly said "Woman please, enough already!" 
I'd force food in until I felt like vomiting.

The sensation of hunger was a completely foreign concept.

I'd be thinking about what I was having for the next meal as I mindlessly shoved the current meal into my face. I'd eat my food fast because I was trying to eat as much as I could before I was too full (< there's logic in there somewhere).

Still battling internally with my overeating and overweight, unhappy body, I started studying psychosomatic therapy because I strongly felt like I was on the verge of creating dis-ease in my stressed out, stagnant body. With both my parents dying young I knew I owed it to myself to take complete control over my health and happiness.

As I studied I began to comprehend the phenomenal power of our body mind and how our emotional issues show up in our body tissues. If the distribution of our tissue on our body tells a story, my chunky legs were entire libraries filled with suppressed stories. I found peace and learned to love my body as I assimilated the information and started applying psychosomatic principles in my life.

But the real game changer for me was training as a Hypnotherapist.

Using my newfound toolkit of mind trance-forming magic I focused in on the core stories that were keeping me trapped in my overeating habits and lovingly released them without blame or shame. I removed old programming and I rewired my subconscious programming to support new thoughts, feelings and actions.

The weight started shedding quickly from my body.

I began going to yoga regularly and for the first time I felt deeply connected into my body instead of just living in my head and dragging my poor body along for the ride.

I've even signed up for yoga teacher training! Me, the girl who used to sit on the couch in her activewear eating chips and watching yoga videos.

As well as my slimmer shape (more energy and the fact I had my cheekbones back) the coolest thing is that food was no longer on my mind ALL. THE. TIME.

I finally broke free from the food trap.
 

SO HERE'S WHAT I KNOW ABOUT FREEDOM NOW

FREEDOM is understanding that we all have the power to resolve and remove outdated beliefs that have kept us prisoner to our past.

FREEDOM is understanding that we have the power to command and positively program our brain to do what we want instead of being controlled by it.

FREEDOM is feeling safe enough to look into the void that we all try to fill with food, drugs, booze, sex, sugar, shopping, internet, Netflix, gym workouts or (insert your vice here) and working through the core stories and suppressed emotions so we can fill that void up with self love, acceptance and enoughness.
 

FREEDOM IS LETTING GO

Letting go of the old shitty stories,
the outdated beliefs,
the ancient programming
and the self identity that we
create our daily reality from. 

And magically, that's when life
starts falling into place.

With my coaching background, psychosomatic training, yoga teaching, energy healing, GROOVE dancing and hypnotherapy I've got a powerful modality mix that works at the deepest levels of the body mind connection and I'm SO delighted to share it with the world.

It's hard to believe this is 'work' as I get as much out of it as my clients do. I get to witness them transform in front of my eyes during the session as their body integrates their new truth and they open their eyes at the end of the session in wonder. It’s pure magic as I see people's lives changing as we reprogram their thoughts, beliefs, habits, actions by getting their brain on board and harnessing the infinite wisdom of their bodies to create a FREEDOM filled life they love.

So whether you're struggling with excess weight, low confidence, sexual trauma, childhood abuse, dis-ease symptoms or whatever thought prison you're trapped in as a result of your programming - just remember that you're always in complete control over your choices and YOU GET TO CHOOSE FREEDOM.

If you're ready for YOUR version of freedom, where you resolve and release whatever is standing in the way of the life you deserve, then check out all the ways I can support you by clicking the button below.

Because you CAN free yourself from those subconscious stories and bollocks beliefs that have been running your brain and holding you prisoner to your old programming.